A matter of life or breast

Dealing with breast cancer is more than facing the possibility of death; sometimes you have to live with it too.  

“It’s a terrible disease because as soon as you get cancer a lot of people know that there’s a chance that you may die”, Dr. Jennifer Byrnes, the Head of Molecular Oncology at the Westmead Hospital Research Centre says, “a generation ago cancer was referred to as the ‘big C’ because almost everybody did die. That’s not true now; most breast cancer patients now will actually live.”

The fact that more women are surviving breast cancer also means that they have to deal with the side effects of treatment and fear of recurrence for the rest of their lives. “It’s not something that just stops,” Byrnes explains. “You will be monitored for the rest of your life and there will be some degree of anxiety that will go with that.”

When women are first diagnosed with breast cancer - like any illness - there are many different ways they can react. They can shut down into denial, slide into depression, or switch into fighter mode.

In her pre-cancer days my mum was such a stress pot, always working herself into a state of disarray at the smallest thing like finding a minute chip in a bathroom tile detectable only to an ant. When she was diagnosed, an indestructible wave of composure washed over her usually frazzled nerves and she developed an even temperament that would rival that of a Zen master. It never occurred to me that she wouldn’t have the strength to survive.

 

There were times, of course, when the deterioration of her health was undeniable. She was sick. The short and long-term side effects of breast cancer treatment are not pleasant; there’s fatigue, nausea, hair loss, loss of sexual libido, premature menopause, scars and disfigurement of the breast after surgery and lymphoedema to name just a few.  

 

Many women struggle with the fact that they can’t look after their children how they used to. Though not easy for some, communication is crucial. Though a hug can also be worth a thousand words, wrapping people up in a protective ball of cotton wool can be detrimental. Professor John Boyages, Executive Director of the Westmead Breast Cancer Institute tells me of one patient who still hadn’t told her children she was dying from breast cancer two weeks before she knew she was going to die. “Sharing the pain is probably better than hiding the pain.”

 

Mum had always been the kind of dedicated mother that would come to every play, singing concert, sports game, parent teacher night, and speech night even if it killed her. We once had a fight that ended with half cooked scrambled eggs splattered all over the kitchen walls because she wanted me to have a good breakfast that I couldn’t eat because I was nervous before an exam. Suddenly she was bedridden and had to concentrate on looking after herself for a change. For many women it’s an excuse to finally be selfish and give themselves some much needed TLC. Only when they finish their breast cancer treatment, the realisation sets in that they now have to balance their prior commitments at home and in the workplace with post-traumatic emotional stress and the side effects of medication. 

“We know medically that people go through depression at that point, we have to warn people about that”, Boyages explains. “It’s like the umbilical cord is being cut. You might have had daily visits for radiotherapy, chemo, doctor’s visits and appointments. You don’t really realise how much stress your system’s under and then having to juggle your family and all of a sudden it’s like - fine, see you later, treatment’s finished!”

It’s not just the medical aspect that makes the transition back into a so-called ‘normal’ life difficult. Many women find it hard to talk to family members, friends and work colleagues about how they feel, no matter how supportive they may try to be.“I think also you’ve been through a mammoth experience that can be hard to share with other people,” Dr. Byrnes tells me, “It’s a little bit like coming back from the war... You’ve been fighting this cancer and then now you’re not fighting it, but you can’t really talk about that experience to other people if they don’t understand where you’ve been.” 

It can also be an opportunity to improve a part of your life you weren’t happy with before. “Some people see it as a sea change, some people see it as a way to get out of a bad situation at work, others have strengthened their relationships with their partners. For others they say it’s a wake-up call, they want to do more to help with fundraising for the disease,” Boyages says.

There will always be painful triggers that will remind breast cancer survivors of their painful ordeal. It’s easy to forget that things such as Breast Cancer Month and hearing that family friends have been diagnosed with breast cancer can bring up bad memories.

Sometimes I guess you have to remind yourself that it’s not always a good thing to forget. Though I know if we could erase Mum’s suffering in the past we would, something tells me she would be a very different person to the one she is now. And although that person may be stronger for it, she still may just need a hug every now and then, doctor’s orders. If you would like to talk to someone you can call the Cancer Council Helpline for support. Photography by Timothy K Hamilton

pencil sketch, old paper, August 12, 2005

Last Updated on Tuesday, 09 February 2010 13:36